1- Constantly Building Relationships – they care about others and how others are doing. They listen deeply because they have a curiosity for learning about life in all its ways. Victor Frankl spoke about this in “Man’s Search for Meaning” – living to serve others is a mission that allowed survival of Nazi concentration camps.
2- Never Share Victim Stories – there are hero stories (I am responsible for the situation, I must change if I want the situation to change) and victim stories (“the traffic made me late”, “my boss won’t let me”, “nobody listens to me when I speak”). I don’t hear many Victim Stories from resilient people.
3- Forgive Themselves Quickly – they understand that the “me” of 2 years ago took the best decisions that the “me” of 2 years ago was capable of taking – I didn’t know then what I know now.
4- Forgive Others Quickly – they understand that everyone is on a difficult journey of their own and face challenges that I am not aware of. Often someone angry at me may have a sick parent, or a tough financial situation.
5- Take Decisions Quickly – they don’t wait for perfect information. They take a decent decision with the information available and move on. They understand that you can take another decision tomorrow – even reverse today’s decision if necessary.
6- “Thank you” – to waiters, to investors, to toll-booth staff, to teachers, to cleaners…
7- Reframe Constantly – They reflect upon their life and re-examine past experiences based upon today’s wisdom. I find that my view of my childhood and 20s changes because I see frustrations, challenges and hard work differently now than I did when I was 25. Back then I thought “I am gifted and I deserve success”, now I think “all meaningful work requires suffering”
8- Forward Looking – the first instinct is to ask “what can we do now?” when faced with a setback, rather than “who’s fault is this?”
9- 5 Pillars in Life – Pillars in life can be work, family, tennis, teaching, gardening, writing… Resilient people have multiple deep interests. They don’t live 100% for work or 100% for family.
10- Separate “State” and “Person” – They understand that the state does not make the person – a state of bankruptcy is not a failed person – it is a momentary point on the journey. Charles Barrington, the Irish climber who first summited the Eiger mountain in 1858 – was at the lowest point of the mountain at 3am and on the summit at midday – he was the same person at 3am and midday. A resilient person understands that climbing mountains is not always uphill.
Source: conorneill.com
